It has been nine months since my last update, and at that point I had only been updating sporadically, anyway. The main reason for that is that, for almost a year now, weight loss has not particularly been a priority. That's because I went through a separation and then eventually divorce, I graduated college with an associate degree, started a new relationship, moved into a new apartment... etc. Any of those things would be difficult to deal with alone, but compounded, it took a huge toll on me. I'm still recovering and readjusting to my new life, which is so drastically different from even a year ago.
Naturally, mental health affects physical health. I have lost and regained weight due to the great deal of stress I've been under, but now that things are settling and I'm in a better place, I'm focusing heavily on my health again. Of course, like most larger people, weight loss has *always* been on my mind. And a few times I would restart healthy habits, only to feel overwhelmed with everything else in my life that I just couldn't devote the necessary time and energy. But now, I am more motivated than ever and experiencing success.
At the end of August, I had blood work done and a check up at the doctor in which I received good and bad news. I had only gained five pounds since March, but I was still unhappy that I had gained anything at all. My cholesterol was excellent, as well as my TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone). My blood pressure was actually low, and after monitoring it for a week the doctor reduced my Lisinopril dosage in half! I was absolutely thrilled. However, my Hemoglobin A1C was on the high side. Even though my doctor did not use these terms, it was in the pre-diabetic range (6.2 to be exact).
I was pretty downhearted to hear that, but not particularly shocked. So, since that appointment I've been making a sincere effort eat better. I've drastically cut my carbs and am sticking to leaner meats and eating more veggies. Since I'm no longer in school, I have a lot more time to cook and I actually *love* doing it. I am a huge fan of Asian food and now I live right next door to Yu-Yu Asian Market and so I have access to awesome food within walking distance. I have cut fast food out almost completely, though on occasion I will do the sit-down thing. I have significantly reduced my portion sizes and eat until satisfied instead of stuffed.
I don't force myself to eat things I don't like, which is a huge mistake I made in the past.There are plenty of good things I love to eat and I try to stick with that. I've noticed that in changing my eating habits, I've also changed my cravings. There are certain things that always sound good, like Chinese take out or pizza, but I don't feel deprived when I don't have them like I did before. Instead, I just try to think of something healthy that I like and replace my craving. Then once a week or so I'll eat something "bad" that I don't eat otherwise.
Right now, I'm at 226 lbs, which is 19 lbs lighter than at the doctor's office. It's also the smallest I've been in about nine years. I have tons more energy than I have in a long time. And even though sometimes I don't see the change, my clothes are hanging off of me and I get a lot of remarks about my weight loss, which is encouraging. It's awesome to think that I'm only 26 lbs away from goal. I may want to keep going when I get there, but as of this moment I am 61 lbs smaller than my heaviest weight. It's hard not to be happy when I think about that.
I still have the same attitude about weight loss that I always have. It's about health, not vanity, or insecurity, or anything else... though I'd be lying if I said I was immune to that. I will, of course, be happier with my appearance the more weight I continue to lose. But I'm still not doing this out of any desire to be thin, or be part of some misogynist, sizist concept of beauty because FUCK THAT. I have always been big and I'm sure that I will always carry some "extra" weight, and as long as I'm healthy, there's nothing wrong with that. I have to be happy with myself at every step of the way, as hard as that may be at times. The end result isn't always the reward; there is joy and discovery and gain in the process.
Let's do it!
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